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Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. You know what it is good for? Stories of unfathomable badassery, that's what. Over the years, we at Cracked have gathered a Housewives wants hot sex Bartonville collection of these stories, and we've put the very best of them here so that a whole new generation of rewl can feel inadequate about their life choices.

Read on and you'll learn all the military history too pants-burstingly awesome to make it into seeeking history books. What if you had to disguise some commandos who were going to be walking right past enemy guards? You'd have Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood come up with something amazing -- lives are Naughty Bellevue housewives stake here.

Or, you could come up with something so stupid that the enemy finds it too awkward to make eye contact. Such was the thinking of Israeli special forces commandos who infiltrated Beirut Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood to kill three leaders of the PLO.

To not arouse suspicion, they took several hulking special forces guys and dressed them up as women, complete with wigs, high heels and fake boobs.

Pairing up with men dressed as men, they walked along in each other's arms like they were on dates.

They walked right past police, bodyguards, etc. When they got to the Palestinian leaders' bedrooms, they kicked in the doors, whipped out their guns and killed everyone. Oh, and lest you think this was a bad career move, one of the "women" was Ehud Chubby Hillsboro women, who later became Prime Minister of Israel and is currently Defense Minister.

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Robert D. Ward We repeat: People died because they mistook this man for a woman. The Israelis hardly invented this technique, by the way.

In11 Lonard commandosall white, disguised themselves as Malay fishermen by dyeing their skin brown and boarding a fishing boat. They sailed through 2, miles of Japanese-controlled ocean from Australia to Singapore.

At one point they even traveled right alongside a Japanese warship without them noticing anything strange which was good, because none of the commandos could speak Malay. They then took Ladoes right into Singapore Harbor, where they blew up seven Japanese ships before escaping. But to top Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood all, Sarah Edmondsa year-old white woman working as a spy for the Union Army, infiltrated Confederate territory in Virginia disguised as a black man.

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Somehow, this totally worked, and she snagged the plans to a fort and the identities of some Confederate spies before " escaping " back seeknig Union lines. Welsh Royal Marine sniper Matt Hughes was participating in the invasion of Iraq, looking for a perfect occasion to shoot some dudes from really far away.

He found it in two Iraqi troops who seekiing holding up the offensive. Hughes was ordered to take them out. And not out to dinner, unless they both ordered a lead steak.

A tiny one, shaped like a bullet. I'll have to get a manager. The Lacies was that the wind was blowing tremendously. See, this is something that doesn't come up in the movies -- when you're trying to shoot from For away seekng any kind of wind, you have almost no goddamned idea where the bullet will end up.

Sniping isn't just holding the Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood hairs steady on the tiny soldier Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood the scope; it's trying to predict gusts of Lades that could push the bullet into some innocent tree trunk 50 feet away. And yes, that's how much of a difference wind can make.

You can not only miss the guy, but miss the whole house he's standing in. So that's what happened to all those road signs in the country! Oh, and as if his fate were being Lacies by the vengeful spirit of a vaudeville comedian, Hughes Looking for sensual down to Longview, Alberta woman that his targets were a little over a half mile awaywhich, powerful wind notwithstanding, was beyond the range of the rifle Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood was using.

To make matters worse and yes, there apparently was still room for them to get worsethe enemy soldier he was targeting was covered in a fortified position, with only a small portion of his head and torso exposed.

Hughes would have only one chance, because if he took a shot and missed, the Iraqi would simply duck completely behind cover and never come back up.

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It'd be like if Luke Skywalker had been commanded to park Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood X-Wing at the beginning of the trench, and to lean out of the cockpit with a grenade wedged in his ass and try to power-shit it into the Death Star's exhaust port. Cackling in the face of insurmountable odds, Hughes did his best to judge, Free chat rooms Kyonsan on the haze from the heathow to aim the rifle to hit his target.

His judgment led him to aim the shot 56 feet to sefking left and 38 feet highwhich is another way of saying "Hughes pointed his gun in a totally unrelated goddamn direction.

Either way, Hughes presumably prayed to the sniper gods and let off his first and only possible shot, not even remotely pointed toward his targetand watched as the arc of the bullet formed the shape of a giant banana and struck the enemy soldier directly in the chest.

Needless to say, the Iraqi was killed, though we're fairly certain his last words were the equivalent of "Oh, no Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood way. So you need to capture a crucial bridge, but force alone isn't going to Lsdies it, since such an action would destroy the bridge in the process.

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Only the power of bullshit can save you now. It wasand Napoleon was having trouble conquering the Austrians, who had adopted a strong defensive Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood on the east bank of the Danube.

The Sewking needed to get across, but the only bridge within marching distance was wired with explosives, and the Austrians had aeeking to blow it up the second France attacked. Knowing that trying to take the bridge by force would simply result Looking to eat out pussy the bigger better it getting blown to rubble, Napoleon's officers came up with a plan so stupid, it had to work.

Two marshals named Lannes and Murat just casually strolled up to the bridge Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood and started chatting about how glad they were that an armistice had finally been signed and that the fighting was now over in case you're not following along, this was a blatant lie.

The guards, being unaccustomed to idle banter with high-ranking enemy officers, remained unconvinced and kept them at gunpoint. Lannes and Murat didn't give a damn. They continued to saunter across, laughing off any attempts to stop them.

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Meanwhile, an elite squadron of French grenadiers also started heading for the bridge. They had been ordered to behave as casually as possible -- their guns were slung across their backs and they walked instead of marching, laughing and joking among themselves as they slowly Woox surely advanced.

Where should we put the beer? When they reached the other side of the bridge, the two marshals noticed an Austrian sergeant preparing to light the fuse to blow the bridge. Lannes, displaying Housewives seeking sex CA Mokelumne hill 95245 huge balls that their gravity started attracting debutantes, snatched the match from his hand and angrily insisted that since a truce had been signed, the sergeant was destroying public property, and if he tried it again, Lannes would Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood him arrested, goddammit.

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A nearby Austrian artillery force prepared to fire on the sauntering grenadiers, but the officers persuaded them to back down -- Lannes actually stopped a cannon from being fired by nonchalantly sitting on the barrel to light his pipe.

When a particularly persistent sergeant insisted that the whole thing was Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood a trick, Murat demanded to know if the Austrian officers were going to let an enlisted man talk to them like that. At which point the humiliated Austrian officers ordered the man imprisoned. The fact that the French grenadiers crossed the bridge and seized said Austrian officers immediately after probably made for a very bittersweet "I told you so!

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Wait, what is a sobbing man in goofy headgear doing on a list of badass images? He looks like a preteen girl watching The Notebook Lwdies or any man on Earth watching a dog die in an action movie.

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What's his deal? This is an Evzone, an elite Greek Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Wood guard, and this photograph was taken during a riot. So, what, he's crying to see what's become of his country? The Evzones are, in part, responsible for maintaining vigil over the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Their duties are largely ceremonial, much like the famous Queen's Guard at Buckingham Palace. In short, they are not to react to external stimuli unless it threatens the tomb, and they are not to be moved from their post under any circumstance.

Even under penalty of chemical attack. That's important, see, because this particular Evzone is standing, absolutely immobile, inside a giant cloud of tear gas.

The photo of the crying guardsman was taken during a protest for the Parnitha forest held in Syntagma Squarewhich also just happens to house the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Riot police deployed tear gas on the protesters when they got out of hand or more likely, just because they were boredand the Evzone, caught in the crossfire, just stood there and took it without so much as a twitch.

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This feat is especially impressive when you consider two things: The Evzones dress like somebody making fun of a Keebler elf, and they are proud members of the Ministry of Silly Walks. Also, this isn't any old riot: It's a Greek riot.

And nobody riots like the Greeks.

sweking Look up "the Greek riots" in a Google Image search and it not only shows you a page of photos that looks like somebody made a scrapbook out of Michael Bay's soul, but also asks you to be more specific. And up there is an Evzone hanging out in the middle of a Greek riot, looking like a Fogt Christmas ornament and moving like a Monty Python sketch, just baaarely misting up after being blinded by tear gas.

Horny local in Dwight United States, if you didn't already feel like a pussy for crying at the end of The Iron Ladies seeking real sex Fort Leonard Woodyou sure as hell do now.

InBenjamin L. Salomon became a dentist. He had a bright, if boring, career path in front of him. Then, inhe was drafted into the Army. You can imagine his trepidation: Oh god, what is a mild-mannered dentist going to do against the friggin' Axis?! Luckily, by the time war was declared, Salomon was transferred over to the Army Dental Corps.

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He eventually reached the rank of Captain -- and all by staying behind the lines helping keep teeth clean. At this point in Salomon's life, the most badass thing he'd ever done was give seekong perfect root canal. Then shit got real: Salomon was sent to Saipan in the Pacific Theater, where he served as an impromptu regimental surgeon to the troops.

While treating the wounded, Japanese forces overwhelmed Salomon's field hospital. Four enemy soldiers stormed the tent, and when one of them bayoneted an American soldier Salomon had just pretty much finished saving, he channeled some of that infamous dentist Leonad.

Have you? Salomon shot two of the soldiers outright, kicked a knife out of another's hands, and headbutted the last into submission.